Silent Wōrds

I wrote this thinking I was going to give it to my Dad, but when I finished, I realized it was more for me, so I never sent it.

I recognized that you didn't understand what I was going through; however, I did. When I needed someone the most, your response was, "I don’t know what God you’re serving, but it ain't the right God. I'll pray for you; I want no part of this; they're going to kill you, Philip." No matter what was said, I knew inside myself that I was on the right path and that I was following my destiny. When you thought I was furthest from God, that was actually when I was the closest to Him. Your admiration of Jesus from an outside perspective instilled fear, reverence, and control rather than trust in God.

During this journey, it was because of my son that I came to understand what it means to be a Father, and the light that lies within him reignited the light within me. The savior or angels we seek are gifted to us in the form of children. I hold no animosity; you never had a Father figure in your life to show you how a man should raise a son, so I realize you made the best of what you knew. No matter the perils a son is involved in, a Father should never turn his back on the gift God has given him. I would give my life for my son; I said "somethings are worth dying for", My children, my family, and my destiny are amongst these.

When a man devotes more time to getting to know his son, it ignites a spark of divinity that bonds a Father and a son, thereby allowing us to access the true God that resides within us all. When a son goes astray, it is the Father's duty to guide him back home. My spiritual connection with God has been unparalleled for the past few years, and I believe that one day you will fully comprehend the greatness of this connection.

You once said that my heart was too soft for some things in life. We are taught that the ideal of a man is that other men fear us, that we are really masculine, or that we make a lot of money to gain the respect of other men. My heart was not too soft; it was too big, larger than I ever thought it could possibly be, allowing me to take the bold step of breaking a longstanding, generational cycle. You have no idea the real kind of man that your son is. My heart is the kind of heart that changes the world.

Instead of relying on a deceased Jesus, it is your children who are your true Earthly angels. But if anyone places their focus on anything other than what is right in front of them, they can get trapped in a repetitive cycle. I have never been more at peace with God in my life than I am now. I am confident that one day you will comprehend what I mean. When you do, you shall see Him in me as I do in you. Your son, whom you created, is a King beyond kings. What a man seeks cannot be found in a book but in the depths of his heart and soul.

Religion obstructs man from recognizing the regal nature of what is in front of him. May God grant you sight and remove the veil from your eyes. The body is not the temple; the heart is the temple. How a man loves his family and neighbors depends not on his financial situation or muscle mass, nor on the number of women he gets or the respect other men have for him, but on the love he carries within his heart. To be a protector not only of himself, his children, and his family but also of his neighbors. I lacked words to describe what I felt inside before, but I am no longer troubled by that.

Despite everything I've been through, my heart has never hesitated to protect my children, my sisters, my mother, you, and humanity. Even if you don't realize it, I understand my mission. You said I was making it about the money; that was the furthest thing from the truth. In time, you'll understand. I never hated you; my anger came from my inability to comprehend how a man could be alive and well yet so far from the gifts that God has given him. My path is divinely guided, and I realize this was the only way for me to walk into my destiny, and I know that now. I still love you as much as I did when I was five. A man can change many things, but it is his heart that makes him who he is. When a man lacks the ability to see beyond his limited beliefs, he tends to overlook what is right in front of him. My son is a King in his own right.

The savior men look for begins with the man in the mirror and healing the inner child from past traumas of our youth. That is man's true work in life. I have no fear, no shame, and no guilt, for I am as perfect as the Creator made me. Sin does not exist; it is a mechanism of humanity constructed and peddled by those in charge of religious institutions to keep you in fear, shame, and guilt in a bid to subordinate and manipulate believers, all under the guise of morality. I am free and at peace, and I have never been more One with God than I am now, without the Bible or religion. I don't know what God has planned for my life, but for the first time in my life, I trust the process. I may not like it, but I trust it, and I am ready to fulfill my destiny. I love you, Dad. I am home.