Power of Real Love - Poem by Philip Wathen

I’m done trying to fix my shit, with meaningless situation-ships. I’m ready to find something real, and be done with the way I fuckin’ feel. My soul is as deep as my heart can feel, a place where a mother fucker can be real. I don’t even bother with no relationship, knowing she’s emotionally unavailable like every woman I’ve been with. So with guarded caution I approach these lines, as my past has shown me, fucc love… just get mine. And so I choose to being single and alone, lest I find myself in the same emotional zone. So I chose the one that I could not trust, that bitch took the last piece of me, so now there are no pieces left for thee. My life felt like a broken dream, a shattered soul I can no longer redeem. I’d give it all just to see, if I could find another piece of me. But instead I’m stuck in this place, where I’m alone in this fuckin’ lexical database. My freedom is all I have, so as soon as I get close, you’ll see me redact. As soon as I feel like you’re breaking through, I can’t help it I disappear from view. That’s a toxic trait I could not let go, bitch I can’t be caged up with a hoe. I know I’m hard to seem to hold, but I’ll do my best to try and stay, but if you’re a two dollar hoe, girl get the fuck outta my way. No tear stained pillows, no broken hearts to mend. Just those sleepless nights, spent healing instead. No tears left to cry, my feelings slowly die. No sad song to be sung, just my feelings going numb. I got use to being loved from a distance, little did I know, it was just a matter of persistence. No more crying, no more pain. I need a bitch with a love so real, I’ll never feel the same. My toxic trait is that I don’t think I need therapy, it makes no sense because the ones that were supposed to be, weren’t fuckin’ there for me. My heart’s been so turned inside-out, that even when I pour it out, I don’t feel shit, just burnt out. Because all I hear is fuckin’ lies, every woman claiming she’s not like the rest. Bitch save the words, put your actions to the test. This mother fucker is already one foot out the door, as soon as I notice you’re a liar and a whore. Let me tell you something that might turn your heart to stone. My love is fuckin’ real, bitch it’s not one you can clone. You can play with fire, and pretend the flame is kool. Bitch don’t play with me, cause I won’t play the fool. I know my love, ain’t the type of love you fuckin’ play with. So I pick bitches that don’t do love, the type of hoe you can only lay with. Her love is too much for a restless heart, climbing the walls like a work of art. A cycle of pain that’ll never cease, because this hoe is married to the streets. We both have war stories that we share, between her sheets but who fuckin’ cares. She won’t commit, I can’t explain why, my only way out is to say goodbye. My toxic trait lies in my mistrust, it’s like I’m scared of love or maybe it’s discuss. How many times have I been told, it’s too much and I’m too bold? But I’m not fuckin’ ashamed of who I am. I should have stuck with pimpin’ bitches, no love, no feelings. Just spearmint rhino and sapphire’s posted up in Vegas. Having my hoes in the Bellagio, finessing’ on these tricks. Coming home with eighteen bands, after seventy-two hours. Just to take my hoes back to work, midway Deja Vu. But that’s not me anymore, I left those ways of the past, to embark on my healing journey. I discovered a love for myself, from all those nights in solitude. It’s a gift only you can give yourself, divinely expressed, granted you know the rules. Nowadays I don’t give my love or energy, to any mfn one who doesn’t reciprocate the same back to me. I don’t have no time for games. So when she fucks it up, and doesn’t see it through, you’ll never prove your worth to me, so take your ass back to the Avenue, your community property. No hooker can ever fill my cup, no matter how hard they try. Because I want that mfn real love, my fuckin’ ride or die.

When it comes to love, I’m filled with doubt, the world has taken away my hope and tossed it out. I’m not even hurting, when I know she’s undeserving, this fuckin’ world keeps gaslighting me, with a faithful and loyal love, that I’ve yet to see. No matter who the fuck I meet, I never truly connect. Why the fuck is it so hard to find someone to protect. My heart, it’s so tired and so filled with pain, what the fuck, is love something I can’t attain. But if I can open up my heart and let it be free, maybe just once, I’ll be able to find that fuckin’ love just for me.

-Dope Mfn Soul

Narrative video of this poem in my gallery.

© 2023 Copyright Philip S. Wathen, Jr. All Rights Reserved.